Relationship Self-Advocacy is an URGENT Women's Health Issue

A friend of mine recently reposted this bombshell TIME psychology article, "Self-Silencing is Making Women Sick" by Maytal Eyal. 

The facts in this article are a prime example of why women's self-advocacy matters so much--particularly in intimate relationships. 

A few shocking/not shocking facts directly quoted from Eyal's article:

• women account for almost 80% of autoimmune disease cases. They are at a higher risk of suffering from chronic pain, insomnia, fibromyalgia, long COVID, irritable bowel syndrome, and migraines, and are twice as likely as men to die after a heart attack.
• Women experience depression, anxiety, and PTSD at twice the rate of men, and face a ninefold higher prevalence of anorexia, the deadliest mental health disorder."
• women of color who strongly agreed with statements like “I rarely express my anger to those close to me,” were 70% more likely to experience increased carotid atherosclerosis, a cardiovascular plaque associated with higher risk of heart attack.
• Other studies have connected self-silencing to irritable bowel syndrome, HIV, chronic fatigue syndrome, and cancer among women.
• women who didn’t express themselves when they had fights with their spouses were four times more likely to die [prematurely] than those who did.

The pressures in a patriarchal society for women to self-silence and self-abandon are dangerously consequential. Though self-advocacy is difficult and often uncomfortable, the cost of not speaking up is far worse. The research confirms: women's self-silencing is killing us slowly.

Self-advocacy is a rebellious move that counters a lifetime of training. Gender roles are encoded and enforced at a young age. We learn misogyny every time we a punished for stepping outside of what men in the dominant culture decide is a "girl's/women's role." We are rewarded for authoritarian obedience and swallowing our truth.

As a result, we hold tension and dis-ease in our body. And our bodies are screaming to be heard.

I've asked clients what was going on in their life around the time they developed major chronic mental and physical health issues. Women often share experiences of interpersonal trauma, abuse, staying in toxic relationships/jobs, boundary violations, feeling trapped, suppressing their voice, and a debilitating fear of disappointing or upsetting others. 

We need to stop. We need to rest. We need to listen to our inner wisdom--and we need to do it sooner rather than later. If we don't choose to nurture our relational health out of our own accord, our bodies have an incredible way of forcing us to. Sickness and debilitating anxiety may act as a drastic alarm bell to raise our awareness and push us to take real action. It's actually an understandable, beautiful, intelligent bodily response to protect ourselves.

It's our own inner protest--picketing our own choices that are causing us harm. 

Make no mistake, even the sharpest, savviest, kickass leading women need support. Women who take up space as powerful activists, intellectuals, career climbers, prophets, influencers, strategic critical thinkers, and the strongest, seemingly "put together," "go-to," and "get-it-done" women... can and do play small. It's often in their intimate relationships that they shrink the most. 

This is one of many reasons why I founded Sex & Relationship Self-Advocacy.

Social and self-advocacy are the antidotes to the various urgent women's health and global human rights emergencies we face today. We need to change--our society as a whole, but also ourselves.

What we are willing to tolerate at the micro scale, in our personal lives, has a ripple effect to macro scale of larger political and social systems. We need to take back our power at every scale. 

If these words resonate with you and you are ready to break a pattern of "people-pleasing," I'm here to help move you towards more truth, authenticity, boundaries, and peace. 

I help equity-minded women to stop abandoning themselves and build skills to self-advocate in their intimate lives. Because what you want matters.

Learn more about SARSA coaching and take the first step by contacting me​ to book a free consult call!

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