 Central Minnesota Take Back the Night Rally Speech Transcript
10/2/2025 I want to start out by bringing us back to the origins of Take Back the Night and why, four decades later, we continue to rally and march. The stubbornness of patriarchy and misogyny remains and oppressive systems adapt at every turn. But men’s violence–whether against women, children, trans and nonbinary people, and other men, remains constant. The idea of taking back the night is painfully simple: women and girls, and many other marginalized communities, are not safe in this world. We march because we want to walk the street, alone, at night, without fear. Something as simple as that should not be considered an unattainable fantasy. But it’s not just about taking back the night, it’s our ability to be self-sovereign beings in the daylight. We know that the most dangerous place for a woman is not on the streets, but in her own home. She is most likely to be assaulted by a person she trusts or who claims to love her. Men’s abuse of women happens everywhere and it happens all the time. I will never “get over” how maddening the loss of liberty I have experienced in my own life–because of the never-ending threat of men’s violence. I will never "get over" my experiences in college where I didn’t first learn about rape culture as a theory in a sociology or women’s studies class, I learned it firsthand, with my own eyes. The introduction was instant–multiple women in my dorm were raped the very first week I moved to St Cloud State University. Experiences like this accumulated over time–story after story. For a period of time, I continued on the path of least resistance. I knew how women were rewarded for going along and not questioning inequitable power dynamics. I thought… well, this is just the way things are. I might as well just adapt. It seemed safer to do so at the time. And I was very wrong. My second year in college, I remembered being at a house party, one I had been to dozens of times before, and it changed my life. What changed me was a simple moment of pause. I stepped away from my friends and stopped and observed what was being done around me and awakened with a new sense of vision. What’s puzzling is there was nothing new or extraordinary about my observations. It was the same ritual as every other time: men plying women with alcohol, men dragging women into rooms, men pressuring women to do things they didn’t want to do, men objectifying and critiquing women’s bodies, men using slurs against women, men high-fiving each other competing about their sexual conquests, men shaming women for having sex, men shaming women for not having sex, men feeling endlessly entitled to women’s bodies, affirmation, and service. But once I stopped for a moment to think critically and listen to my own intuition, the dominos began to fall. I was re-thinking everything. I realized my own complicity. I realized how I played into this “pick me” bullshit that encourages us to sell out ourselves and other women. I started noticing how much energy and effort women devoted to getting tossed some crumbs from whoever the current patriarchs-in-power were. But once I faced all of this, it made me sick. And it has made me sick every day since. A couple years later, I was tabling for a student organization I started to address rape culture and sexual exploitation. I ran into a woman that I saw at those parties. We talked for a bit about the activism I was doing and she asked me if I was a survivor of sexual assault. I told her I wasn’t. She looked at me shocked. She said, “Wow. That’s crazy. That’s really hard to believe. I couldn’t count how many times that’s happened to me.” Let me re-emphasize this: she thought it was borderline unbelievable that I hadn’t been sexually assaulted. See that? That is rape culture. The sexual violation of women is so routine and expected that I was considered lucky to have escaped this reality. She wasn’t wrong. It’s true that most, if not all women, have experienced some form of sexual violence and boundary violations in their life. But whether or not we’ve personally experienced violence, we all are touched by it. We all live with fear and the threat at varying levels based on our positions in the power hierarchy. At least 1 in 3 women have been sexually assaulted and 1 in 3 physically abused–but those numbers are much higher the more marginalized a person is. Women of color and Indigenous women, immigrants, poor, disabled, and LGBT people are targeted at infinitely higher rates. Colonialism, white supremacy, homophobia, ableism, Christian supremacy, and classism compound the harm. Years later, I became an advocate. My life continued to change when I worked at a domestic violence, sexual assault center, and women’s center. Something happens when people know you do this work professionally, or you are outspoken against violence, or you are a survivor yourself. People start disclosing their trauma to you. People I’ve known all my life shared horrific experiences I knew nothing about prior. It seemed like almost every woman I knew had been abused. Long after my college experiences, I continued to notice all the insidious ways sexual violence was normalized. Catharine MacKinnon, a pioneering feminist attorney of anti-sexual harassment law once said, “rape is not prohibited, it is regulated.” When I was in college, this looked like excuses about why some women deserved assault–blaming women for past sexual experience, clothing choices, drinking, being alone with a man, being out at night, ultimately just existing with a female body… As I got older, I saw that rape was regulated in different ways. It was regulated when men used a marriage license as an expectation for unlimited access to a woman’s body. Rape is regulated through enormously profitable sexual exploitation industries where men bribe women for sexual servitude so that women can survive economically. Rape was regulated and legal if it was filmed and put on PornHub for millions of men to get off on. Violation is not suddenly ethical even if someone appears to make a choice. As much as people may say feminism is about choice, I disagree. I think feminism is about getting rid of both the visible and invisible cages around us. It’s not about trying to get men to be nicer or applauding them for the bare minimum–it’s a serious political commitment to end, not regulate, patriarchal oppression in every sphere. As another feminist once said, feminism is not about choosing the apple or choosing the orange within the cage. It’s the cage. The cage itself is the problem. The knowledge I now carry of what has been done to so many women has filled me with a devastating level of grief and made me absolutely furious. I quickly recognized why anger is so discouraged in women. Women’s anger leads to strong boundaries. Women’s anger ignites social movements. Anger is an inward gift we can use to change the world, not to be suppressed. Women are often encouraged to pretend to not know what we really do know. Because once you see and you know, you can’t unknow it. You are never the same. That’s why people in power are always trying to gaslight women. That’s been the historical significance of Take Back the Night and the women’s antiviolence movement. Women no longer sit cowering in isolated shame, blaming themselves, or thinking they’re the only one. They realize they aren’t alone. They speak. They demand space and take back their power. They name names. They stop protecting the reputation of abusers. They push for accountability and march together in solidarity. Going along and doing what we’re told will never keep us safe. As we know, abusers are never satisfied. They will keep taking away our autonomy and our rights until we have nothing left. We are living in the midst of astronomical levels of state-sanctioned violence. And just like we fight back against individual abusers, we fight back against our government and all institutions that actively support, stand by, or cover up abuse. Rapists, abusers, sadists, and passive bystanders are running the show right now in the US. But as the cowards-in-power get smaller and spineless, we will refuse to back down. We will not look away or hide. We get louder. We use our righteous rage to fuel our movements. We will choose integrity, truth, and justice even when the cost is high because the cost of our silence is much higher. We must keep resisting. We cannot wait until we are personally affected. There is always a next victim, a next group on the targeted list, and, in time, you or someone you care about will be next. This is not a time to opt out. This is the time to get even more connected and involved in our community organizations and social movements than ever before. Support and commit to volunteering at the social justice organizations that are doing the long-term, difficult work of intersectional anti-violence advocacy and pushing for progressive political change. In the midst of that ordinary, but life-changing moment at a party, I no longer accepted the idea that “this is just the way things are.” In time, I realized that this is not the way things have to BE and that we have the power to change everything. We created these systems, and we can tear them down. Let’s re-commit tonight to using every ounce of our power, influence, platforms, and voices to fight for the change we want to see. Thank you.
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 A friend of mine recently reposted this bombshell TIME psychology article, "Self-Silencing is Making Women Sick" by Maytal Eyal.
The facts in this article are a prime example of why women's self-advocacy matters so much--particularly in intimate relationships. A few shocking/not shocking facts directly quoted from Eyal's article:
The pressures in a patriarchal society for women to self-silence and self-abandon are dangerously consequential. Though self-advocacy is difficult and often uncomfortable, the cost of not speaking up is far worse. The research confirms: women's self-silencing is killing us slowly. Self-advocacy is a rebellious move that counters a lifetime of training. Gender roles are encoded and enforced at a young age. We learn misogyny every time we a punished for stepping outside of what men in the dominant culture decide is a "girl's/women's role." We are rewarded for authoritarian obedience and swallowing our truth. As a result, we hold tension and dis-ease in our body. And our bodies are screaming to be heard. I've asked clients what was going on in their life around the time they developed major chronic mental and physical health issues. Women often share experiences of interpersonal trauma, abuse, staying in toxic relationships/jobs, boundary violations, feeling trapped, suppressing their voice, and a debilitating fear of disappointing or upsetting others. We need to stop. We need to rest. We need to listen to our inner wisdom--and we need to do it sooner rather than later. If we don't choose to nurture our relational health out of our own accord, our bodies have an incredible way of forcing us to. Sickness and debilitating anxiety may act as a drastic alarm bell to raise our awareness and push us to take real action. It's actually an understandable, beautiful, intelligent bodily response to protect ourselves. It's our own inner protest--picketing our own choices that are causing us harm. Make no mistake, even the sharpest, savviest, kickass leading women need support. Women who take up space as powerful activists, intellectuals, career climbers, prophets, influencers, strategic critical thinkers, and the strongest, seemingly "put together," "go-to," and "get-it-done" women... can and do play small. It's often in their intimate relationships that they shrink the most. This is one of many reasons why I founded Sex & Relationship Self-Advocacy. Social and self-advocacy are the antidotes to the various urgent women's health and global human rights emergencies we face today. We need to change--our society as a whole, but also ourselves. What we are willing to tolerate at the micro scale, in our personal lives, has a ripple effect to macro scale of larger political and social systems. We need to take back our power at every scale. If these words resonate with you and you are ready to break a pattern of "people-pleasing," I'm here to help move you towards more truth, authenticity, boundaries, and peace. I help equity-minded women to stop abandoning themselves and build skills to self-advocate in their intimate lives. Because what you want matters. Learn more about SARSA coaching and take the first step by contacting me to book a free consult call!  Interested in issues related to relationship equity, sex and sexuality, intimate justice, communication, boundaries, etc.? Take a minute to fill out this short survey! I offer virtual services (classes, coaching, and couples assessments) so regardless of the location you are reading this from, this survey will help me better serve YOU! Thank you for sharing your anonymous feedback.  Beyond people signing up for Sex & Relationship Self-Advocacy classes or coaching, being present for events like this always fills me and reignites my passion to support people to live authentically. I was blown away (not only from the intense wind) by such a kind, warm, and fun crowd at a rural Pride event in Alexandria, Minnesota! Maybe I met you there? If so, thanks for stopping by. I loved hearing your stories and connecting with you :) I did hear a lot of experiences of trauma, shame, fear, and abuse. I also hear stories of people who, against all odds, move forward with tremendous courage and grit. There was a lot of joy, great conversation, connection, and community. We all are capable of living unapologetically and without shrinking. I want that for all of the women I know, in whatever unique way that looks like for them. It is such a privilege to witness!
 For over 12 years, I've witnessed people rise through trauma, reclaim their sexuality, and build extraordinary relationships.
I've sat with thousands of women – through their hardest moments and biggest triumphs. I've seen the power of reclaiming your voice, your body, and your relationships. The feminist movement taught us the personal is political. The time could not be more urgent for women to step into their power. In a world that tells women that our lives are trivial and matter less, our self-advocacy is revolutionary. During Women's Herstory Month, I'm excited to launch one-to-one coaching and classes on Sex & Relationship Self-Advocacy (SARSA) to equip you with the tools to be your own strongest advocate and confidently navigate your relationships and sex life! Ready to step into your power? Ready to advocate for YOU? Sign up HERE to stay connected via email for SARSA updates, opportunities, events, and classes! More details about SARSA coaching and classes HERE!  Ejaculate Responsibly Campaign A pro-choice AND pro-life male accountability campaign Spring 2024 When your bodily fluids have the potential to cause harm (such as unwanted pregnancy and/or exposure to STIs), you must be ethical, intentional, and accountable for your sexual decisions and ejaculation. “Men mostly run our government. Men mostly make the laws... if men were actually interested in reducing abortion, it didn’t need to take fifty years [after the fall of Roe v. Wade]. At any point, men could have eliminated elective abortions in a very short amount of time—a matter of weeks—without ever touching an abortion law, without legislating about women’s bodies, without even mentioning women. All men had to do was ejaculate responsibly. They chose not to. Today, they continue to choose not to” (Blair, 117). What inspired this campaign? February 14—March 24, 2024 is the nation's largest anti-abortion campaign: 40 Days for Life. The Women’s Center’s Ejaculate Responsibly campaign (a poster series with twelve unique messages) is an invitation to think differently about abortion, sexual politics, and accountability. This awareness campaign is inspired by Gabrielle Blair’s (2022) book, Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion. The purpose of this campaign is to provoke deeper interrogation of the pro-life/pro-choice dichotomy, which is a division or contrast between two things that are or are represented as being opposed or entirely different. Using Blair’s framework, we aim to bring a fresh perspective through awareness and attention to men’s choices and their primary role in causing unintended pregnancies. Knowing this, how can we change it? Ending unintended pregnancies and abortion is simple!
Men are responsible for their own sperm—they choose where it is placed. Men must be ethical, intentional, and accountable for potential harm caused by their sexual decisions and ejaculation (whether causing pregnancy or infecting a partner with STIs). The choice to prioritize one’s own desires/pleasure at the expense of others is an example of entitlement rooted in power inequality and privilege. Unfortunately, this is rarely discussed. There are many reasons for this, mainly that “our society is set up to protect men from the consequences of their own actions” (109). How have men’s choices impacted women? Historically and today, we live in a patriarchy. A patriarchy promotes and centers male/masculine privilege and maintains systems in which most positions of power, authority, and control are dominated by men. Putting the burden of all sexual and reproductive responsibility on women is a form of male privilege and sexism. While men have the most control and choice in the context of sex, it is women’s choices and bodies are endlessly critiqued, controlled, punished, and shamed. Despite how patriarchy naturalizes (“this is just the way things are”) women being over-responsible and men being under-accountable, women are never responsible for men’s behavior. Men are responsible for their own choices, behavior, and bodily fluids. Men have the most control and choice in the context of sex by:
Pregnancy Concerns
These differences matter and impact women’s lives long-term, especially in the context of our social and economic systems that have been set up to intentionally pay women less and/or not be compensated for their labor at all. Gender Violence Impacts In addition, the prevalence of men’s sexual and relationship violence are significant factors that take away the reproductive choices of women.
Conclusion People of all sexual orientations and genders who want to have sex can have wonderful, fulfilling sex lives without causing pregnancy. There are many ways to experience sexual pleasure without the risk of pregnancy: masturbation, using hands/fingers/mouth/tongue to stimulate your partner, using sex toys, or only having sex with people who are unable to cause pregnancy. Abstinence is also a great option for some. After all, let’s be clear: no one is entitled to sex, ever. Responsible ejaculation is both a pro-choice AND pro-life solution that is not rooted in controlling, coercing, or forcing women to give birth. This solution places responsibility where responsibility belongs: it is men’s responsibility to ensure they don’t impregnate. Men must take personal responsibility for their own sperm. We need to raise the bar for men. We share these messages because:
We believe in men’s ability to make safe, thoughtful, and equitable choices that respect women. We believe men can and must ejaculate responsibly. [1] Binary language is used for the purpose of conciseness. When we reference men we are referring to cis men, people who have sperm, and people assigned male at birth (AMAB). When referencing women we are referring to cis women, people who have the capacity for pregnancy, and people who are assigned female at birth (AFAB).  https://www.stcloudlive.com/business/9-in-st-cloud-area-chosen-for-2024-cohort-of-harvard-program-in-minnesota
"ST. CLOUD — Nine St. Cloud area residents have been chosen for the 2024 cohort of the Harvard Business School’s Young American Leaders Program in Minnesota (MYALP). The idea-sharing program will be May 19-22 on the University of Minnesota Twin Cities campus, according to a news release. It will teach young leaders about how to work across sectors to help their communities prosper inclusively. The nine St. Cloud area residents selected to participate in the Young American Leaders Program 2024 are:
Since 2019 the Greater St. Cloud Development Corp. has led the effort in identifying leaders to participate in the program, according to the release. More than 60 people from Duluth, Fargo-Moorhead, Mankato, Minneapolis-St. Paul, Rochester and St. Cloud will be participating in 2024. NeTia Bauman, CEO and president of the Greater St. Cloud Development Corp., said those chosen to participate in MYALP have a track record of civic engagement in cross-sector collaborations, according to the release. The program interweaves case studies, insights from national and Minnesota practitioners of cross-sector leadership, diverse perspectives on the current state economy, and research presentations from scholars of inclusive economic development and the future of work. The Greater St. Cloud Development Corp., a nonprofit organization, is a private collaboration of regional businesses and other leaders within Benton, Sherburne and Stearns counties."  "Glitoris" sculpture by student artist, Stephanie Shoemaker  The gorgeous art piece pictured above is appropriately named "Glitoris." It's a powerful and imposing figure that our campus Women's Center moved around campus. It is, you guessed it, a replica of the internal structure of the clitoris. This sculpture was inspired by Sophia Wallace's "cliteracy art" project. We paid a fabulous art student, Stephanie Shoemaker, to create a 3 x 4-foot mobile sculpture to raise awareness and educate people on the sexual pleasure of women/AFAB people. Even as a feminist in college, and as someone who has been very open about topics related to sex for most of my life, I don't think I heard someone say the word "clit/clitoris," out loud until I was in my early 20s. Even today, this word, this body part, is treated like a slur, a secret, a subjugated knowledge. How people (do not) talk about the clitoris is precisely why our campus Women's Center chose to do programming--events, speakers, tabling, awareness, outreach, postering, and hosting (the now infamous) "Find the Clit: Campus Sex Ed Scavenger Hunt." It appears that still, women genuinely enjoying sex, especially outside of patriarchal prescriptions, incites astronomical levels of misogyny. How dare she. Only in a sexist culture would such discomfort occur as a result of women unashamedly speaking and educating about this--even on a college campus, a space for adult learners, a space that many people see as protective of "free speech," embodies "liberal values," and/or is supposedly "sexually open." Not so much. It was a wild semester. We received all sorts of strange responses and angry backlash for these events from inside and outside of our campus community: continuous complaints, threats, administrators and members of the public trying to cancel or hide our event, taking down posters and advertisements, having to write PR statements about the event, people calling to yell at us for how "offensive" the program is, labelling us as "groomers" that are apparently promoting rape (???)... because we are educating grown adults on their own bodies. On anatomy and sexual pleasure. With facts and research. On a college campus. At a public university. In the year 2023. In the past when I spent significant time speaking and educating in faith communities that were often both religiously and politically conservative, I would remind them what they already knew, but didn't want to acknowledge: That sex IS for pleasure and pleasure IS the primary reason people have sex. On what ground could I make such a claim (besides the fact that people who are capable of reproducing are only fertile a few days per month)?? Well, speaking in alignment with the audience's values at the time, I reminded church-goers that someone created the clit, and according to their belief system, it was God. Cool, right? This framing helped people think differently about their own pleasure discomfort. I could feel the deep exhale from a very tense religious crowd. What a relief for folks to know that the sole and only purpose of a clitoris is for sexual pleasure. As I let that statement sink in, I could visibly see the wheels turning and belief systems challenged/shifted. A penis has multiple functions. A vagina has multiple functions as well. But for these folks, knowing God/the creator/universe very intentionally chose to bless the female body with a part for no other function but sexual catharsis... well, that changes everything. Oh, AND women can have multiple/endless orgasms!! So clearly the creator cared a whole lot about pleasure and women enjoying sex. So, even the most conservative crowd can getting behind cliteracy! In addition, the most clitoral sensitivity and nerve endings are external on the vulva, not inside the vagina. (Side note--that should also make the heteros question the centrality of penis-in-vagina, penetration-focused sex). Maybe all this female sexual power and capacity for pleasure is why men in this world have gone to such extreme lengths to control and colonize our bodies and sexuality. Maybe God is less uneasy and uncomfortable with female sexual pleasure than us humans are? God is less of a prude than your average dude or patriarchal church. Despite this, women's sexual pleasure is still so taboo and shamed--not only in conservative or religious communities--everywhere. Women's sexual pleasure is still treated as a frivolous privilege, a bonus, afterthought, etc. Research shows that even after multiple waves of sexual revolutions, the orgasm gap remains and the sex lives of women have not improved all that much over the past 50 years. Beliefs around sex roles and men's sexual entitlement/self-centeredness is still deeply-rooted. All hope is not lost. Women do enjoy pleasure and orgasms. NINETY-FIVE PERCENT of women orgasm regularly through masturbation. So, women aren't sexually dysfunctional or broken. They are very capable and knowledgeable about what gets them off. They just likely aren't getting the right stimulation from a partner... or their partner is disregarding their wants and pleasure entirely. But that experience is not true across the board for women. Lesbian women are the most sexually satisfied demographic, in stark contrast to women who have sex with men. What can men learn from lesbian and queer women? A whole lot. Men should be taking notes from lesbians... oh, and maybe ask their own female partners what they want in bed? For a society that is convinced it is so sexually liberated, we can't even get the most basic stuff down (saying anatomical body part names out loud, respecting boundaries and consent, and valuing the sexual pleasure of all). I highly recommend reading one of my most favorite books for more analysis on this: The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane Ward. Ward is a lesbian who feels like she needs to be an "ally" to straight women. She feels the experience of too many straight women is a lifetime of suffering trying to be in relationship with sexist men... men who only want women because of what women do for them. And women who respond by exhausting themselves trying to convince/change/rehabilitate/fix men. Included in this straight-woman-suffering is enduring serious sexual violence, trauma, and simply mediocre or bad sex. I have observed this as a frighteningly common experience of women and resonate with Ward's findings as an advocate who has worked all of my professional life with survivors of sexual violence and on issues of patriarchal violence, feminism, and gender equity. I feel this has been a life-long frustration of mine: I constantly see fabulous, brilliant, powerful women in my life stifled by dweeby, clueless, or downright dangerous men who don't give a shit about them. Women should not have to beg their partners for basic mutuality. Men's sexual entitlement to women's bodies, with minimal/no knowledge or care regarding how to please them, is not only pathetic, it's very disturbing. It should be fundamental, expected, and *required* that people having (supposedly??) consensual sex are both enjoying it and putting forth effort so their partner can experience pleasure. When bombarded by porn and media that portrays sex in a patriarchal, competitive, transactional, coercive, conquering, male-centered, and violent way, clearly this is a wild concept and needs more attention. When grown adults cannot even say the word "clitoris" out loud (and if they do, are deeply embarrassed/uncomfortable), clearly, we have significant work yet to do to end misogyny and shame around women's sexuality. The personal is political and the political is personal. Women's sexuality and pleasure is not trivial. The fact that women's sexual pleasure is so devalued and stigmatized simply imitates, mirrors, and reflects broader structures and systems that devalue women as an entire class. If we are going to end patriarchy, sexism, and misogyny--our sexual practices--and how we talk about them--matter. We all need to become cliterate because women deserve better.
     Image from Sexual Assault Centre of Edmonton website https://www.sace.ca/learn/victim-blaming/ A statement I wrote for our campus program below (the Center's name has been removed): Statement on Victim-blaming and Accountability for Patriarchal ViolenceFeminist analysis of patriarchal violence[1] recognizes violence as a functional tool of oppression (e.g., a dominant group forces submission of a subordinate group, particularly through an illusion of consent or when non-obvious coercive routes are exhausted).
Sexual violence, and all forms of gender and power-based abuse, are forms of political and social oppression that are not the result of an individual survivor’s choices, ontology, identity, vulnerability, character, or reputation. [The Center] uses, and is not opposed to, risk-reduction[2] as a general concept, idea, or strategy. The [Center] does employ some risk and harm-reduction strategies (e.g., education on egalitarian/ethical relationships and sexual consent and communication). However, many common risk-reduction strategies perpetuate oppressive belief systems rooted in sexism, heterosexism, colonialism, white supremacy, neoliberalism, etc. Many common risk-reduction tactics and “safety tips” directed at systematically subordinated groups are only marginally applicable in more rare, stranger-perpetrated sexual assault cases. These tactics often perpetuate inaccurate, sensationalized, and narrow stereotypes of sexual violence that do not capture the broad scope of the issue. Most sexual violence is committed by a person the victim knows and trusts (dates, partners, spouses, friends, co-workers, classmates), as well as authority figures, people of high status, and “helping” professionals in which the public often trusts (clergy, police and criminal/legal professionals, mental health professionals, educational professionals, coaches, supervisors, medical providers, politicians, military, celebrities, etc.) The [Center] is committed to working within our community to change the institutions, systems, and broader culture and politics that normalize violence. We want to invest in ending the harm, not change or constrain the liberty, movement, and behavior of survivors/the people harmed by those systems. We focus our efforts on primary prevention—this means uprooting systems of oppression, stopping violence before it starts, preventing perpetration, and building long-term solutions that address the fundamental causes of violence. In order to eradicate violence, violence must be confronted at every scale (interpersonal, familial/household, community, institutional, systemic, state, and global) and not remain isolated to only the interpersonal. Our vision is not only to abolish patriarchal violence and rape culture, but to make patriarchal violence unimaginable. This also means we work to shift power in a concrete and material way, end dehumanization and sexual entitlement, and resist the belief systems that view human beings as objects to be possessed, commodified, and controlled (the ideological foundations that precede violence). At the [Center], we do not believe behavior-change on behalf of individuals will ultimately stop or prevent violence, because abuse and violence are always a choice by the person/group who cause the harm, not the responsibility of the person/people victimized by it. There is no guaranteed way to “protect” oneself against relationship violence, stalking, sexual harassment, exploitation, and/or trafficking. While there are no perfect victims, a person can do everything considered “right/cautious,” take every “safety precaution,” or implement every “risk-reduction” strategy, and still be violated and abused. A victim/survivor’s choices or character are irrelevant to an abuser’s choice to abuse (e.g., dress, drinking, flirting, who they hang out with, sexual decisions, “risky/dangerous situations/environments,” how they respond/resist sexism and violence, reporting decisions, or levels of personal vulnerability, assertiveness, self-esteem, and/or confidence). Vulnerability is not inherent to an individual but is intentionally created by systems of oppression and dominant groups to subordinate, marginalize, and target particular groups. Violence/abuse perpetrated against a person is never, regardless of the context, the fault or responsibility of the person victimized. Perpetrators are motivated to perpetrate for many reasons independent of the person they abuse. In addition, promoting individual changes to a potential victim’s behavior does not mean the abuser won’t abuse, it may mean the abuser abuses regardless, and/or they may choose to target a different person to abuse. Either way, the abuser usually continues abusing as they are socially rewarded and not held accountable. While our center works to educate and raise consciousness on ethical relationships and sexuality, education alone is not enough to protect someone from abuse, because they do not hold systemic power and are not in control of the abuse. For example, educating people of color on racism (what racism is, how to identify it, etc.) will not stop systemic racism. Educating disabled folks on ableism or queer folks on homophobia, transphobia, and heterosexism will not end it. Likewise, a victim/survivor’s knowledge and ability to identify abuse does not mean the victim, on their own, can prevent it or has the power to stop it. Victim-blaming messages directed at subordinated groups are used to distract the public from challenging the oppressive behavior of dominant groups. Cis women, femmes, people who experience/d feminine socialization, and other marginalized groups often internalize and have been lectured their whole lives to modify their behavior, dress, etc. to appease or de-escalate cis men and other dominant groups. [Our Center] is committed to not perpetuating these messages. This statement was written for accountability purposes and to share our [Center's] analysis of violence as an informational and educational tool. If you see our [Center] share any type of messaging through social media, presentations, awareness campaigns, advocacy, support services, etc. that conflicts with the analysis above in this statement, please contact [us] immediately. Your feedback and accountability is critical to us. Sincerely, Rebecca Kotz [1] “Patriarchal Violence (PV) is an interconnected system of institutions, practices, policies, beliefs, and behaviors that harm, undervalues, and terrorize girls, women, femme, intersex, gender non-conforming, LGBTQ, and other gender-oppressed people in our communities. PV is a widespread, normalized epidemic based on the domination, control, and colonizing of bodies, genders, and sexualities, happening in every community globally. PV is a global power structure and manifests on the systemic, institutional, interpersonal, and internalized level. It is rooted in interlocking systems of oppression.” – Black Feminist Future [2] Examples of common sexual assault risk-reduction (primarily with strangers) strategies: carrying pepper spray or weapons, “buddy systems,” not drinking, pouring your own drinks, not leaving drinks unattended, not going anywhere alone, not wearing clothing perceived by men as “sexy”, self-defense classes, carrying your keys in your hand, not wearing headphones/talking on a cell phone, avoiding elevators and stairs, avoiding poorly-lit areas, remaining alert/vigilant, etc. Though these tactics or behavior changes can create a feeling of safety, they ultimately will not prevent sexual violence.  Our returning guest Rebecca Kotz points to specific moments of our history (e.g. the de-funding of social welfare systems) which have resulted in a system that relies heavily on the prison industrial complex and prostitution industrial complex systems. Rebecca asserts that the only way forward is dismantling these systems and uprooting harmful ideologies that inflict sexual violence on one group to protect another dominant group. She instead hopes we can all work together to challenge these beliefs and instead create a system based on transformative justice, an approach that seeks safety and accountability without relying on alienation and punishment or systemic violence. Cited Sources/More Resources Below:
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